remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
