3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
