I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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