you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
