Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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