Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
