I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
