...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
