hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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