Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
