She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Barsexuality is the new black.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
