I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't deserve a penis
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
