Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
