I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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