Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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