just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
