There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
try to milk me bitch
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
