Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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