My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
