Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
