if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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