If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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