can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
