chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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