so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
