Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
