FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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