That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Your penis caused this!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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