I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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