Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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