Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
His nipple licking is glorious
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