I'm so fucking centered right now
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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