This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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