I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
