my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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