All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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