So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
