I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Boobs speak an international language.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
