And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
