Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
