I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
