Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
