people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
