so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
