Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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