Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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