you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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