Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Did I show you my penis last night?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
