So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
