My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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